


Show Me Your Heart

by ariawrites



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: I just really love the song okay, M/M, Viktuuri relationship stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-15 03:13:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18490153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariawrites/pseuds/ariawrites
Summary: Victor and Yuuri during that particular moment, with that particular song along with a lot of backstory on their relationship and its development. It's fluffy!





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Another from the depths of my drafts from a couple of years ago that I never got around to posting! I just really loved the song, and I really loved that scene with them so I wrote this...

Yuuri loved Phichit, they'd been friends for a long time and he knew he should be happy for him, but he was freaking out. He wasn't used to being the skater to beat, Victor had helped him to achieve that title and everyone knew it. He wasn't used to being _first._ His anxiety had been eating away at him ever since the short program. He hadn't been able to sleep, he'd just laid there….staring at the ceiling. Envisioning all the ways the free skate could go wrong. Envisioning all his past mistakes. Picturing screwing up….not making it to the Grand Prix Final and Victor leaving…leaving to go back to Russia. Victor being blamed for all of his mistakes, all of his failures. Because everyone knew Victor was responsible for his success just as much as Yuuri was, and everyone would think that Yuuri's failures were because of Victor too. And all he could think about was never seeing Victor again. Or…or Victor not wanting to see him again if Yuuri messed up and destroyed Victors reputation. _No, no that's stupid Yuri, of course Victor would still want to see you. He's got to give you that lecture in the kiss and cry at least._ He chuckled to himself awkwardly.

He and Victor had gotten closer and closer. Victor had always been touchy feely from the start, which may have been Victor in general, or maybe had something to do with the fact that English wasn't the first language for either of them and sometimes gestures and touches were the only way to show what they meant…how they felt. Victor had wanted to know everything about him, something Yuuri hadn't been able to fathom why, it wasn't like he and Yuuri had met before or something. Victor was just so comfortable and relaxed with him most of the time. He'd made his intentions pretty clear from the beginning. Yuuri on the other hand was not and it had taken him a little while to get on the same page as Victor.

For a while there he'd been nothing but a mess when it came to Victor, Victor was his childhood crush…his idol. He supposed it was the head poke that had brought Victor down to Earth for him….Yuuri hadn't even realised he'd done it until he'd…well…done it. It was just that…Victor wasn't looking at him…Victor was busy with his skates and Yuuri had felt safe to really take a look at the man in front of him. So he'd studied Victor. And Victor had looked so good….they'd been practising jumps over and over, and sure Victor was tired, but his hair was still perfect, and Yuuri had always thought that Victor had perfect hair and then his finger had been touching Victor…well, Victors hair and he hadn't known what he was doing and he'd been so sure Victor was going to mock him, or…or something and then Victor had made a comment about his hair thinning, which was the most ridiculous thing ever because Victors hair was thick…shiny…it had always been thick and shiny. Girls hated him as much as loved him when he'd had his long hair. In that moment…Victor had just seemed so human, joking around…playing with him.

The talk on the beach had helped as well. They started to understand each other because they'd opened up to each other and Yuuri was very well aware that Victor didn't have to. The problem was all his. He'd struggled with how to act with Victor…how to talk to him, how to show him his faults…his weaknesses. He didn't want Victor to think of him as weak…and then Victor had turned around and said nobody thinks he's weak…least of all Victor himself. He'd started to truly trust Victor in that moment and the two of them had started to share more and more. Yuuri had realised that Victor had to be so many different people, different things depending on who he was interacting with, and Victor understood that Yuuri needed space to be himself. Victor understood that Yuuri didn't do well with showing his emotions to others, with letting others see his weaknesses.

It had taken Yuuri a while to…return Victors advances. A touch here…a hug there..until it became second nature to touch Victor. Yuuri just…he didn't usually try to get close to others…he didn't try to form attachments. It had been impossible not to with Victor. The two interacted easily now, using touch almost as much as language to convey their thoughts. Their feelings. Yuuri didn't even think twice now before hugging Victor or putting a hand to his shoulder. Victor really didn't even think once about touching Yuri's leg to show him how to position it for a jump. They hadn't even kissed yet but Yuuri couldn't imagine his life without Victor, they'd become inseparable.

Or well….he couldn't until his anxiety decided to treat him to a full colour, fully vivid mental movie of it. It was cold, dreary and lonely. And there where a lot of cats…..cats that looked strangely like Yurio…. _huh…maybe I did fall asleep after all for a minute or two? Or maybe it was a waking dream? Hallucination? And why did the cats look like Yurio? Is my….whatever it was trying to tell me that if Victor leaves I'll end up living with Yurio? That makes no sense?_ Yuuri shook his head. Now was really not the time to have a Yurio crisis. Either way, he hadn't gotten much sleep. Victor had told him to go take a nap. Sure. Great idea Victor. I'll get on that right away. I can nap no problem. That is…unless you pass out right on top of me.

Between worrying about whether or not Victor had set an alarm, worrying about falling asleep, not waking up on time and completely missing the free skate…..and you know….internally freaking out a little bit because he and Victor usually slept in separate beds, and here Victor was….fast asleep…..sprawled out all over him. Sure they'd taken to sleeping in the same room, a combination of how much time they spent together meaning separate rooms felt like worlds away, and Victor keeping an eye on Yuuri and his habit of reading news articles about himself and psyching himself out. It wasn't like Yuuri didn't want to share a bed with Victor it was just…they weren't there yet. Yuuri supposed it was his fault. Sure he and Victor had been getting closer and closer…sure Victor was flirty…he knew that Victor had to return some kind of feelings for him, but on some level Yuuri failed to believe that Victor could possibly return his growing feelings. That Victor was possibly in his league. He was Victor frickin Nikiforov after all and he was just Katsuki Yuuri. Awkward. Insecure. Anxiety Ridden. He just wasn't on Victors level and every doubt he's ever had about himself and Victor comes roaring in to his head whenever he contemplates trying to see if Victor feels the same way…if Victor…would be open to a relationship. _Thank you anxiety. Love you too._

And here Victor was head resting on Yuuri's chest….his body…touching Yuuri's…all over. _Sure Victor. I'll take a nap. Nothin' stopping me…._ Yuuri flushed at the reminder. It had just been really hard to sleep, okay!? So he'd laid there…again….picturing every single bad thing that could happen, but this time with Victor _right there_ as a reminder of what he'd lose if he messed this up. Because Victor would go back to Russia, and he'd go a laughing stock as a coach, because Yuuri's mistakes where Victors mistakes. He would have failed to get gold, failed in he and Victors goals and failed to show everyone how much Victor had helped him. He'd been pretty close to sleeping at one point, so close he could feel sleeps dark embrace. But then Victor had moved. His head had…. _snuggled_ in to Yuuri's chest. _I mean…it had to be an accident right, he was asleep…he totally thought I was a pillow or Makkachin….which also explains the arms. The vice like grip._ So. No sleep. Then he'd flubbed his jump in practice. After ignoring Victors explicit instruction not to do so. He'd attempted it to prove he was fine… _it's all good, no need to worry Victor, I've got this…I won't let you down!_ …..and he'd fallen flat on his face. He'd been freaking out internally ever since. But it obviously wasn't internal enough, or maybe Victor had been learning, because Victor had dragged him down do the parking garage to try to get him away from the cheering….and the announcements…and the high scores….and the cheering….and the camera right in his face….and…the…cheering…

The cheering that he could hear right now, because he'd noticed Victor, who usually kept an eye on him, some might say _watched like a hawk_ when he was warming up and a screwed up ball of anxiety….had been looking up towards the rink, his head tilted at an angle. He'd wanted to know what Victor was looking at…or what Victor was listening to. Perhaps it was an important announcement? What if it was something he needed to know? What if something was going on? What if there was a giant crack in the parking structure and it was about to kill them? The last one was a stretch but his anxiety knew no bounds. He'd half conjured up an image of Yurio, in full ninja gear, hear to take him out. And he didn't mean for dinner. So he'd taken out his ear plugs, he'd been going to ask Victor what was so interesting but he'd been assaulted with the sounds of loud cheering. Drilling in to his brain. "What an incredible performance!" the words bounced around his brain. Yuuri could only stare up at the parking garage ceiling, hearing the words echoing over and over again. _It's not going to be enough. Everyone's been so..so amazing and I'm just…I couldn't even land a jump in practice. Let alone on practically no sleep, with all this anxiety eating me up inside….I'm not going to make it…I'm not….oh my God._

Victor was suddenly there, cutting off Yuuri's thoughts as he brought his hands up to cover Yuuri's ears, muffling the sounds from the rink. "Don't listen!" He barked. Yuuri met Victors eyes and stood there, frozen in place. Desperately trying to control his breathing. He stared in to Victors eyes, getting lost in the blue, Victor held his gaze. Staring back. He could hear the announcers voice, but it was muffled, he couldn't quite make it out with Victors hands covering his ears….with Victor so close to him. Victors hands didn't muffle everything though, and Yuuri heard Phichit's score loud and clear. He swallowed audibly and tore his eyes away from Victors. Unable to look him in the eye anymore. Not when he was completely falling to pieces over something he should be over by now. Not when his time with Victor had a very high chance of coming crashing to an end very soon because Yuuri wasn't good enough. Wasn't good enough for Victor.

Victor kept his grip on Yuuri's ears. He didn't know what else to do. Yakov had told him he was too selfish to be anyones coach, that he thought about no-one but himself. But that wasn't true…..lately at least. He thought about Yuuri. Alot. He wanted to help him but he didn't know how. He'd never dealt with this kind of thing before. He didn't know what to say…what to do. Yuuri should be past being affected by his competitors scores, but they where sending him more and more over the edge. He knew Yuuri had lied, he hadn't napped and that was Victors fault. He'd fallen asleep too, he couldn't deny that he'd enjoyed it. He'd been comfortable, his head resting on Yuuri's firm chest, cuddling him. And yes…he'd cuddled. He'd seen the opportunity and he'd taken it. He'd had to, because being so close to Yuuri, without being with him…was beginning to torture him a little bit. He'd been patient. The Yuuri he'd been faced with in Hasetsu was completely different to the Yuuri he'd met and felt a strong attraction to at the Banquet…but he'd dealt. He'd adjusted. He'd been _patient._ He'd drawn out Banquet Yuuri. Sort of. Mostly. He'd gotten Yuuri to open up…to trust him. They'd gotten closer…and closer…Yuuri returned his hugs, his touches. He'd gotten used to them. A far cry from one of their first hugs when Victor had to get Yuuri to turn around so he could surprise hug him. Yuuri had been surprised alright. But Victor had held on tightly, closed his eyes and relished in the moment. Now he got moments like that all the time. Yuuri hadn't even flinched when Victor had pulled his lip balm stunt, a shameless warning to the beanpole fanboying Yuuri. He'd rolled with it.

Yuuri had started to touch him back…to initiate contact. Victor had enjoyed getting used to that, and he always got a warm feeling in his heart when Yuuri touched him first. Hugged him first. When Yuuri had poked his head, it had been one of, if not the first times Yuuri had touched him. Victor had been frustrated and worried that he'd never get close to Yuuri, that they wouldn't interact as they had at the banquet…so freely. They'd had their talk..Victor understood Yuuri…but he'd still felt frustrated, and he'd even felt a little bit of despair. But then Yuuri had touched him. Victor had made a comment about his hair thinning, stupid really, there was nothing wrong with his hair. But he'd known Yuuri would be embarrassed, known he might even clam up and considering what they'd just been through with all of that, Victor hadn't been prepared to go there again. So he'd backed off. He hadn't made a flirty comment, hadn't made a move, the sheer joy of the moment had rendered his brain useless either way..he'd just backed off and taken the pressure from Yuuri, without making him feel ashamed of what could have been considered a faux pass, or a socially awkward gesture, he'd kept it light and friendly. Inside he'd been dying because Yuuri had touched him. First. Without provocation. He'd just done it. Victor had pushed the line a bit further before the short. He'd basically told Yuuri that it was okay to seduce him as…well…Yuuri. To want him. Yuuri had told Victor not to take his eyes off him…and he hadn't. There had been hugging. Lots of hugging. But nothing more. Victor craved Yuuri's touch, and he wanted a relationship with this man. But Yuuri…he wasn't ready.

So Victor had felt pretty damn happy to be in the one place he wanted to be, _finally_ ….so when he'd woken up mid way through he'd just snuggled in more and hadn't moved. If he had…Yuuri might not have bags under his eyes, that looked more like bruises. If he hadn't gotten drunk that too, might have allowed him to see Yuuri's spiral in to anxiety. But he'd had so much fun with Celestino the night before he'd wanted to repeat it. Yuuri was in first place…he was the one to beat…Victor shouldn't have let himself be so complacent. _I am a terrible coach._ Victor thought to himself as he gazed down at Yuuri who wouldn't even meet his gaze anymore. He just couldn't understand why Yuuri was so nervous…or how to motivate him to go out there and shake it off and do his best. Victor had never had this problem and he didn't fully understand why Yuuri just wouldn't deal with it like he did. Maybe Yakov was right, maybe he was too involved in himself to properly connect with another person…to understand another person, after the beach he'd thought….but maybe he'd thought wrong. Victors thoughts where interrupted by Yuuris warm hands enclosing his wrists.

"V-Victor. It's almost time" he said quietly, gently removing Victors hands. "We need to get back". He still wouldn't meet Victors eyes and it hurt him. _Skaters hearts are as fragile as glass._ Victor thought to himself. _If their hearts are so fragile…_ Yuuri had started to walk back towards the stairs. Victor needed to stop him, he couldn't let Yuuri go up there like this. Go back to the rink without trying to help him. Maybe…maybe if I shatter his heart…break him emotionally…maybe it will make him focus. Or at least…give him something else to focus on, rather than his anxiety or his perceived weaknesses.

"Yuuri." he said. He heard Yuuri's footsteps come to a halt. "Huh?" He heard him say. _Let's try shattering that fragile heart in to pieces. This will work. He will focus. He won't want to lose me…not after everything we've shared…that we still have to share. Hm. Maybe I am still a little bit selfish._ He turned to face Yuuri, meeting those big brown eyes. Those trusting eyes. "If you mess up this free skate and miss the podium, I'll take responsibility by resigning as your coach" Victor said seriously. Yuuri didn't say anything. He didn't react at all. Victor kept his gaze steady, but the longer Yuuri didn't do anything, the more uncomfortable he became. The more he realised how _stupid_ his idea was. He wasn't good at talking Yuuri through his feelings. He usually tried to distract him, but he hadn't been able to do that this time, all he'd been able to do was get Yuuri away from all the press who'd have a field day with live footage of him having an anxiety attack. This had to work. It had to. He would focus. He would. But as Victor watched, Yuuri's eyes slowly filled up with tears, until they spilled over, cascading down his cheeks and he knew he'd screwed up. He felt his stomach drop. _Oh no. Not tears…..I don't know how to handle tears, this is even worse. Idiot Victor. You're the worst coach. You can't even get your skater motivated. You just make him cry. The man you love…you just hurt him so much you made him cry._

"Why would you say something like that, like you're testing me?" Yuuri asked in a trembling voice. Yuuri had barely been holding it together, and he'd been holding it together for Victor. Because Yuuri having a full on meltdown would make everyone think that Victor wasn't a good coach, to keep the image Victor had created of him…to keep Victors reputation in tact. But those words broke him. Because they seemed to confirm his worst fear, that everyone, Chris, the reporters, those girls at the rink…everyone was saying what Victor actually felt. That Victor wanted to leave, that Victor leaving him was a matter of time. But at the same time he knows it's just his anxiety, Victor doesn't want to leave, or he would have at any point. Victor…he liked him, he wouldn't just leave. He'd put so much work in, helped Yuuri….taught him so much. He wouldn't just leave that.

Victor approached Yuuri carefully. "Uh, sorry Yuuri. I wasn't being serious-" Victor anxiously tried to fix his mistake. He felt awful. Guilty. Like the worst kind of person. He'd never wanted to hurt Yuuri this way. He'd thought it might fire Yuuri up…get him mad…maybe he'd even yell at Victor and tell him that he'd show him. But he hadn't expected tears.

"I'm used to being blamed for my own failures. But this time…I'm anxious because my mistakes would reflect on you too!" Yuuri said angrily. He was aware that to some extent, this wasn't entirely Victors fault. How was Victor to know all this when Yuuri hadn't told him? But here he is, stating his feelings. Out loud. To Victor. Victor had pushed him to open up, to try to make him understand. "I've been wondering if you secretly want to quit!" Yuuri threw at him.

Victor swallowed hard. He'd had no idea. Things seemed to click in to place. Yuuri's dislike of Victor bragging about his accomplishments, his achievements. Victor had just assumed Yuuri wasn't one to brag, but now he could see deeper. He could see that every brag Victor threw out there, Yuuri had taken as a promise he needed to keep. To Victor. To everyone, so that Victor wouldn't look bad. Victor felt a hole open up in his heart.

"Of course I don't" Victor said comfortingly, he needed Yuuri to know. Needed Yuuri to know that he wouldn't leave him. He didn't want to. He'd flown all the way to Japan after meeting him..technically twice. The first being his disastrous attempt to lure Yuuri over and in to conversation so he could perhaps cheer him up after the Grand Prix Final in Sochi, the other being the banquet. Victor loved him. Yuuri would have to make him leave. He knew that on some level Yuuri had to know that, Victor had strong suspicions that Yuuri's own doubts are what kept him from acknowledging that, what kept him from taking that emotional step with Victor in to a relationship. He didn't want to quit. He didn't want to be apart from Yuuri. Yuuri needed him, he knew that. And he needed Yuuri. Yuuri didn't want him to be anyone but himself. Yuuri liked Victor for him. Yuuri didn't expect anything from Victor, he didn't have to put on a facade or a persona for Yuuri. It had let him start to figure out who he was outside of competitions and skating. Before he could continue Yuuri interrupted him.

"I know!" Yuuri shouted, because he did. His logical mind was constantly arguing with his anxious mind. He knows his feelings don't make sense. _He knows._ But he still feels it. Still worries about it. He can't help it, and he knows Victor doesn't fully understand his anxiety. Why would he? He doesn't suffer from it. But Yuuri's frustration at his own mental struggle…he couldn't help but shout. _I don't even feel bad about it, I'm ugly crying in a parking garage, minutes from an incredibly important skating competition. I'm letting Victor see how weak I am…how vulnerable I am. Normally I'd run away screaming but…this is Victor…._

Victor jerked at the sudden increase in noise. He waited for Yuuri to say something else, but he just cried more. His shoulders shaking and Victor felt he was very close to panicking. He just wanted to fix what he'd done. But he didn't know how. _What do I do? How do I make him stop? Should I hug him? I should probably hug him…but that won't make him stop crying, then he'd just be crying on me. I just want him to stop crying! Please Yuuri, stop crying. I love you, it hurts me to see you cry._

"I'm not good with people crying in front of me" Victor said aloud without thinking. "I don't know what I should do" Victor didn't mean to sound so careless, but he couldn't help it. He just wanted to help, but he didn't know how. He was frustrated, he couldn't think of anything else he could do to help. He couldn't help the man he loves. Then….

"Should I just kiss you or something?" Victor wondered aloud, after all, he had just proved himself a terrible decision maker. _That would make him stop crying right? Every other time I've touched him or hugged him it's shocked him…surprised him and his nerves have vanished. He needs two things…to be under pressure of losing me..but obviously that didn't work this time. Which leaves to be caught off guard. My touch, my caress…my hug have always surprised him out of his slumps, encouraged him. But a hug isn't going to work this time. I need to really surprise him….and that would certainly do it._

"No!" Yuuri shouted, startling Victor. He loved Victors touch, his arms around him. The comfort they provided, but Victor didn't seem to understand that it was more than that to Yuuri. Each time Victor hugged him, made physical contact with him in some way, touched him…it proved to Yuuri that Victor would always be there. Always support him. He needed that. _But after what he said….I know he didn't mean it. I know. And I'd love nothing more to kiss you, you idiot. But with those words it's like you where playing with me this whole time, like you where only being so affectionate to get me to win. I want to win Victor, but I want you too. I want…I want your genuine affection. I want your love. I need it. Because I'm feeling some things and…..and…..you feel them too right? I know you do, but my brain won't stop fighting me on it, and you….you just made it seem like all those touches…those hugs that confirmed it…like they where nothing. But I know they're not. How do I…._

"Just have more faith in me than I do that I'll win! You don't have to say anything. Just stay close to me Victor!" Yuuri said earnestly, tears streaming down his face. Victor sucked in a shocked breath. _You don't have to say anything. Just stay close to me._ Everyone always wanted something from Victor. They wanted him to say or do something. But Yuuri…Yuuri just wanted him. Just wanted him close. Yuuri didn't care that Victor was terrible at dealing with emotional situations. _He just wanted him to stay close….like…like my song…_ Victor felt his eyes widen. Then widen even more as he realised. _That's it….that's what Yuuri needs…._

Victor froze, his thoughts cutting off because Yuuri had thrown his arms around him. His arms coming around Victors waist, his tear stained face in his neck. Victor snapped out of it in seconds. His initial reflex with crying people was to run away, but this was Yuuri. Yuuri needed him. Yuuri wanted him to stay close. Victor brought his arms around Yuuri. One around the waist, and his other hand cupping the back of Yuuri's head. He murmured soothing words to him in Russian. "I'm sorry Yuuri, I understand now, I think" He said cautiously.

"You're such an idiot" Yuuri mumbled in to his neck. Victor found he couldn't really argue with that after this experience. But he wanted to try to bring Yuuri's mood up.

"But a loveable one da?" he said, trying to inject some cheer in to his voice. Yuuri sniffled something, something that sounded a lot like obviously. He wanted Yuuri to look at him, he needed Yuuri to be looking at him when he said what he needed to say, but Yuuri refused to remove his face from Victors neck. Victor contemplated what to do for a second or two, then settled on his plan of attack.


	2. Chapter Two

"Yuuri" he said finally, causing Yuuri to look up. He clearly hadn't been expecting Victors face to be so close…close enough to kiss, because he jerked back suddenly flushing. "Yuuri, I-" Yuuri cut him off.

"Um…I um….uh….we should…we should go. Up. Back. To the rink. I think they just announced….your…uh…rink mate…friend…person…thing" Yuuri stammered. Victor had offered to kiss him but…that was just because Yuuri was upset. Because Victor thought it might distract him more than the usual hug. It had seemed…like a joke, to battle his anxiety. He didn't want Victor kissing him just because he'd been a blubbering mess. To distract him. He wanted Victor to mean it…to mean their first kiss. Victor brought one hand up to cup Yuuris cheek and he felt his face flame up even more. He swallowed.

"Yuuri, I understand what you need from me now. I can do it. I will do it, I promise. Because I-" Yuuri cut him off quickly. _I'm 99% sure he's going to say something that I'm not equipped to handle right now. Not like this._

**_Tell me now, it's dark. There is, no star in the sky. Where are you?_ **

"We need to go back up okay?" Yuuri said, brushing Victor off and turning to make his way back up to the rink. The song that must be Georgi's for the free skate filtered down. _Please God, don't make this anymore awkward._ Yuuri shook his head. _Why did I do that? Why? He was going to say….say what I wanted to hear. Sure it wasn't the best timing but now…now he probably thinks I don't feel the same way. Idiot Yuuri._

**_Why are you, leaving me?_ **

Victor sighed, having to look away at the sight of Yuuri's retreating back. Of Yuuri walking away from him.

Yuuri heard Victor sigh behind him and he started to trudge up the stairs. He could hear Victor following him, a comforting presence at his back.

**_Let me hear you say._ **

_"Because I-"_

_I mean…just because that's what I thought he was going to say…what I really wanted to hear…doesn't mean it was. I'm just reading way too much in to this..but…I really wanted him to say it. But if he…if that hadn't been what he was doing to say…._

**_Let me be your light._ **

"Yuuri, just let me-" Victor started, trying one more time. But Yuuri shut him down. "Please Victor…not right now, I can't handle it right now, after….after uh…"

Yuuri's brain supplied him with an image of himself, ugly crying, and he shuddered.

**_Show me, your heart._ **

Yuuri risked a glance at Victor, to see the Russian was already looking at him. Victor gazed back at him steadily.

**_I see, the brightest star._ **

**_I'll give you, my heart._ **

Victor gave him a hopeful smile, but Yuuri couldn't meet Victors eyes and he quickly looked away, the flush on his cheeks in no danger of dying down. It was like the song was doing the speaking for him…for them. Didn't make it any less awkward though. _Thanks Georgi. Thank you so much. As if this wasn't already awkward, your stupid song is practically saying 'confess your undying love for each other' and you know…I would but…I really can't take much more right now. Especially if Victor had just been going to say "Because I heard you" or something….something else….like because he's my damn coach. Yep. That's it. He was going to say because he's my coach._

**_Let me, be the one._ **

Yuuri paused in front of the doors to the main area, hesitating. He knew there would be a tonne of press out there…all looking at him…not to mention the scores would be right there…and you know…the rink. The people. Suddenly Victors hand came to rest on his shoulder very gently. Yuuri let out an awkward cough, but didn't brush him off. Instead he took a breath, and then pushed open the doors. The press where gathered all around, and they where looking at him….with surprise? Shock? They looked thrown. Probably because his cheeks where on fire, and it was obvious he'd been crying, and he couldn't look Victor in the eye. Yuuri walked, eyes cast down to the side, Victors hand on his shoulder a comforting, warm presence. The lyrics to the song echoing between them.

**_I'll always be, be there for you, I promise. To save you, I'll save you now. Oh baby ,I'm coming, you're not alone._ **

Yuuri felt Victors hand squeeze his shoulder, but he wasn't sure if it was on purpose or if it had been an accident but then…Victor didn't really do anything accidentally. It was like with that squeeze…Victor was making a promise. _Damn that song._

**_I promise to save you. I'll save you now._ **

Victor wouldn't fail Yuuri again. He knew what Yuuri needed now. He needed Victor to be an emotional anchor. He needed to know that Victor would be supporting him no matter what, through thick and thin. He needed to be there for Yuuri, or learn how to be as much as he could. He couldn't keep Yuuri at a distance like he did everyone else. Victor could do that, for Yuuri..he would do that. Yuuri had said it like it was something that it'd be hard for Victor to do. Like it wouldn't be easy. It would be the easiest thing Victor had ever done. Which is why it had felt like the perfect time for him to tell Yuuri how he felt, but Yuuri had stopped him.

**_Wake me up._ **

**_No matter what I'll save you now._ **

**_Wake me up._ **

**_No matter what I'll kiss you now._ **

**_Wake me up._ **

**_No matter what I'll save you now._ **

**_Wake me up._ **

**_No matter what I'll kiss you now._ **

Victor wasn't sure why, maybe Yuuri didn't feel the same way and he'd wanted to avoid the embarrassment of the situation. _Oh yes Victor, that's very likely. He doesn't feel the same way as you, yet he let you sleep on him for hours. Don't be any more stupid than you already have been today._ He shook his head. Yuuri's doubts then…his fears had to be what had made him stop Victor. _Or maybe it was the fact we where standing in a parking garage moments after I'd made him cry._ Victor's brain circled around and around.

**_I'll always be, be there for you._ **

Yuuri and Victor walked out in to the rink area, the song blaring even louder. Yuuri couldn't look at Victor. He didn't even want to risk making eye contact. He'd debated with himself the entire way up, and he'd become more and more certain he'd cut off something that he'd really, really wanted to hear. _Victor must feel awful…he must think that I…that I rejected him, that I don't…_

**_I promise to save you, I'll save you now._ **

**_Oh baby, I'm coming. You're not alone._ **

Victor was lost in his thoughts as they entered the rink area. The song had gotten steadily louder and louder, and Victor couldn't help but relate to the song. He'd always used music to express how he felt, to tell his story, and if he could he would have used this to tell Yuuri exactly what he felt. What he meant to do.

**_I promise. to save you, I'll save you now._ **

Yuuri and Victor came to a stop rink side, and watched for a moment or two as Georgi skated. Victor had folded his arms across his chest, afraid he'd grab Yuuri and embarass the poor man in front of the entire rink, something that may have killed his shy Yuuri. So he firmly grasped his elbows. _Damn this song, it's getting to me._

Yuuri noticed how Victor was standing and he felt despair. He didn't know what to do. Things felt…tense between them. The more he realised what he'd stopped, the more he'd argued with his doubts, the more he knew he'd just booted Victor across a chasm. Victor had to be feeling upset right now, had to be feeling rejected, which was the last thing he was to Yuuri. But Victor didn't know that. Yet he was still there. Standing there. And as Yuuri turned to face him…

**_You always make me strong,_ **

….Victor turned to him and smiled. Yuuri, flustered, looked down and started to remove his skate guards. _Idiot. What did you do that for?_ He took a breath, skate guards in hand, and then looked back up at Victor. Victor…who was holding his hand out to him.

**_I'm not alone._ **

Yuuri placed his skate guards in Victors outstretched hand, and then accepted the proffered bottle of water.

**_I promise, to save you, I'll save you now._ **

_Dear God let this song end._

**_Oh baby I'm coming, through the dark_ **

Yuuri knew what to do to ease this tension between them. He needed to show Victor how he felt, show Victor that it was okay. He'd extended himself to Victor for support, and Victor had understood. Yuuri needed to show Victor that _he_ understood his flaws. That he could control them. He'd clawed himself back from the brink. He and Victor had just gone through something, and then he'd cut Victor off at the knees. He needed to show Victor that he still trusted him, that he still…that he felt….

**_I promise, to save you, I'll save you now._ **

Victor accepted the water bottle back and offered his Makkachin tissue box to Yuuri, just as that damned song came to a blessed end. _You only hate it because it's so telling…._ he shook his head cutting off the thought, and hurriedly stepped out on to the ice as soon as Georgi had exited, to begin his warm up lap.

Victor watched Yuuri skate a lap around the rink, but his mind drifted back to the parking garage. _You don't have to say anything….just have more faith than I do that I'll win!_ Yuuri's tear stained face shouted at him. Victor couldn't denty that what Yuuri had said, had pleased him. Made him happy, as much as it hurt him to see Yuuri so upset. But he knew it shouldn't have gotten to that stage. _I should have asked Yakov what to do as a coach in situations like this._ Victor thought to himself. _Then I would have been prepared, I would have been able to stop this before it had ended up with Yuuri crying and shouting at me….but if he hadn't then I wouldn't have understood what he needs from me…I wouldn't have….._

Yuuri risked a quick glance back mid skate to see Victor, looking small, and lonely. He completely missed Georgi's scores being announced. Yuuri screwed up his courage and came to a stop in front of Victor again, failing to hide his sniffling. Victor offered him Makkachin again, and Yuuri took advantage. He blew his nose. _As if I needed more confirmation of my huge, ugly crying session. I mean it must have been bad if I'm still this snotty. But….but Victor didn't shy away. He didn't care. He let me cry on him. On his precious suit._ Yuuri repressed the chuckle that wanted to come out, he had a feeling it might freak Victor out a bit after the tension filled past few minutes. _Okay this is it. Put yourself out there Yuuri. Tell him what you can't with words. Do it how Victor does it….with touch._

Yuuri screwed the used tissues up in to a ball and then extended his hand towards Victors outstretched one. He dropped the tissue ball just short. Knowing Victor would lunge to catch it. They couldn't have litter lying around on the ice before he skated. It could trip him, throw him off. As Victor lunged down, catching the tissue ball, Yuuri let out the breath he didn't realise he'd been holding and he touched Victor. Right in the same spot he had before, when his attraction to Victor had subconsciously made him reach out for the first time, breaking through his anxiety, and poke him in the head. As if that was normal behaviour. But this time he did it on purpose. _I know how I feel about you Victor. I know this time. It's okay Victor._ Yuuri gently pressed the palm of his hand to Victors head. Victor who had frozen, not even looking up at him. Then he turned to take his position, centre ice.

Yuuri felt more relaxed after crying, more relaxed after sharing that moment with Victor, and more ready to skate. He explored all of his emotions through his free skate, he worked through them….he processed them. Being well aware that he and Victor shared a language through skating, he may even have scolded Victor a little bit through this skating, as well as in his head. He didn't hold back. But he also realised that it wasn't entirely Victors fault. He realised he should have talked to Victor about it more, been more direct. It wasn't like Victor wouldn't have listened to him. He would have. Victor wasn't a mind reader, and Victor was a successful skater. He was good at what he did and he had a tonne of gold medals to prove it. Victor didn't get anxious about skating, he didn't suffer from anxiety. Yuuri should have realised that Victor wouldn't be able to understand it unless Yuuri helped him. Yuuri threw in Victors signature move to remind him why he was here. Remind him why he…why he loved Yuuri. To surprise him. Victor loved surprises after all. To show Victor that they where equals after the way Victor had threatened him like a superior. He reminded Victor that he was worth the work, worth the misunderstandings and the arguments. He showed Victor that he was doing his share and that Victor needs to promise to do his. He was showing Victor that he wanted him. He ended his skate with his arm outstretched to Victor. The song was a history of his life, and he'd thrown Victors move in there…pointed at Victor….to show him how much he wanted him in it.

Victor understood everything that Yuuri was telling him. _Everything._ He was giddy. He felt so damn happy, Yuuri…he'd shown that he understood, that he showed Victor exactly how he felt about him. Victor hadn't been able to move when Yuuri had been touching his head, afraid to break the spell. Afraid to end the moment. Yuuri had been telling him how he felt. Showing that he knew how he felt this time. And Victors heart had near enough burst with happiness. All he could do was stand up and touch the spot. As if he could lock in the feel of Yuuri's touch. He knew Yuuri was ready to further things between them. _Finally._

He'd been listening as he watched Yuuri skate, and he couldn't miss the meaning, the significance of Yuuri changing his jumps…changing it to Victors signature move, not to mention the other little tidbits Yuuri had been telling him with his skating. But most importantly….he'd inputted Victor in to the history of his life, in a big way. He'd put it right at the end….as if he wanted Victor to be there for the rest of his life. He wanted Victor. Wanted Victor in his life for a long time. He'd told him with his skating, he'd told Victor how he felt with his _touch._ And Victor was so, so proud. Of how Yuuri pulled himself out of the hole that Victor had failed so spectacularly to do….of how Yuuri had told him exactly what he needed and what he was feeling, of how Yuuri had skated so calmly, his performance…it had touched Victor, enthralled him. And then he'd thrown in that last jump…sure he hadn't landed it but he'd tried and Victor knew what it meant. Yuuri had denied him once, and he understood why. But he would surprise Yuuri, just as much as Yuuri had surprised him. He'd put his head in his hands to hide his expression from Yuuri, so Yuuri wouldn't be able to see the intent there. The words of Georgi's song floated through his mind.

**_No matter what, I'll kiss you now…._ **

_Fuck it._

Yuuri had turned from Victor, who'd had his head in his hands, and his finishing pose to bow to the crowd, but he couldn't go long without looking back to Victor…but Victor wasn't there. Yuuri looked around in confusion, he knew Victor wouldn't have just left. Not after that. _Where is…..there!_ Yuuri spotted Victor… _running,_ to him. Yuuri felt his face stretch in to a smile and he skated as fast as he could to meet Victor. "Victor, I did great right?!" Yuri shouted, and he watched as Victor looked up, a gentle smile on his face, before he gave a quick nod. Or at least…Yuuri thought it was a nod. It was some kind of confirmation at least.

Victor couldn't wait for Yuuri to make it to the Kiss and Cry, he was overcome with emotion….love…pride….more love…and he needed to show Yuuri. So he ran as fast as he could, noticed Yuuri coming to meet him. "Victor, I did great right?!" Victor smiled, and tilted his head down slightly. _You have no idea, Yuuri._ Victor waited a moment…two…long enough for Yuuri to get as close as he could and then the threw himself at the man he loved. He made sure that both arms went around Yuuri's neck, one hand cupping the back of his head to protect it. He wouldn't allow Yuuri to get hurt. _Yuuri will never again be hurt because of me._ He could see…he could feel Yuuri's surprise. Victor hugging him was nothing new…. _but this would be._ Victor brought his lips to Yuuri's in a gentle kiss, his eyes closed to savour the moment, he could practically feel the surprise radiating off of him. But then Yuuri's arms wound around his back, and his lips responded. It wasn't a deep kiss. But it was enough for both to convey their feelings to each other. _But, just in case…_

Victor didn't want another misunderstanding.

The kiss broke off as they fell further and further backwards, until they finally hit the ice. Victors hand and arms protecting Yuuri's head and neck. Yuuri had never felt so protected before…so safe. Nor had he ever felt quite so happy. Skating came close but…. _Victor….he really does love me back…he does…he….he….kissed me…he really did….in front of all of these people. He loves me. Or at least..he likes me. As more than just a skater. He returns feelings for me. I have a chance…._ Yuuri felt euphoric as they lay on the ice, arms wrapped around each other, bodies pressed together. But then Victor turned his head, so his lips brushed Yuuri's ear. "ya lyublyu tebya" Victor breathed in his ear.

"Wh-what does that mean?" Yuuri stuttered, but he already knew.

"I think you already know" Victor murmured back, before pulling back from their embrace so he could look down at Yuuri's face.

"This was the only thing I could think of, to surprise you more than you've surprised me" Victor smiled down at him. Yuuri felt warm rush through him.

"Really?" Yuuri asked with a fond, loving smile, he could feel the blush on his cheeks. Victor just smiled and leaned in more.

"Really" Yuuri basked in Victors love.

"I love you too" Yuuri said shyly, and Victors smile widened even more.

"Oh good, it would have been awkward if you didn't…what with the public display of affection and everything" Victor teased and Yuuri flushed. In that moment, he was euphorically happy but…one thing bothered him.

"Why….why did you say it in Russian?" Yuuri asked with a confused frown. Victor smirked.

"So you couldn't cut me off this time" he said proudly and Yuuri reflexively rolled his eyes, making Victor laugh.

"Get a room you two" a voice said from behind them. Chris. Yuuri didn't think it was possible but his face went even redder as he remembered the rather public setting they where in.

"Oh God." Yuuri hid his face in Victors chest. "Don't worry Chris, we already have one, although, the beds are small…we should push them together Yuuri otherwise it'll be a tight fit"

"Oh _God"_ Yuuri repeated, he was 99% sure his face was on fire. Actual fire. He could swear he could hear the ice melting from the heat from his face. _At least no-one can see my fa-of course._ Yuuri thought as the warmth of Victors body vanished as he stood up, cold air rushing in to take it's place. Victor held out his hand to Yuuri, helping him to his feet. Or skates as the case may be. Yuuri awkwardly waved to the cheering and whistling crowd, as Victor kept a tight hold of his hand. Yuuri made the mistake of looking at Chris, who winked at him saucily, which really didn't help with the situation with his face.

"You know, we really should thank Georgi for his song choice, it gave me the idea" Victor rambled on, oblivious to Yuuri's embarrassment.

"We should…what? The song? The song told you to do it, is that what you're saying? And here I thought you'd come over all romantic Victor." Yuuri said, eye twitching. He couldn't help is irrational irritation/ near hatred for the song. _That song made for the most awkward 3 minutes of my life, I mean sure, it kinda did all the talking for us but…it didn't need to do it right then did it? And now it's responsible for one of the best moments of my life? Hell no. No. Stupid. Victor._

"Yes, it was quite catchy, I already downloaded it" Yuuri ground his teeth. He knew that meant Victor would probably have it as his ring tone within the hour. It would be his alarm. He would listen to it constantly until he got bored of it or came across the next catchy song. That's what Victor did. Oblivious, Victor was still talking, "…..and it gave me the idea and….and…Yuuri? Where are you going? Yuuri?! Yuuuurrriiiiiiiii! I am romantic! I'm the most romantic person there is! Yuuuuurrrrrrriiiiiiii" Victor called, following behind him like a lost puppy while Chris snickered to the side.

_That. Damn. Song._


End file.
